I knew exactly how having a baby will make me feel, until IT DIDN’T

Like any other first time mom I had it all figured out. Nursery was set, hospital bag was ready, I had read all there was to read. Most importantly I knew exactly how having a baby will make me feel, until IT DIDN’T.

We were ecstatic to bring home the new member of our family. After few days our mothers left and reality kicked in.

It felt like I was shoved in the corner of a gloomy room, which apparently was set as the colorful happy place for my child.

I was sleep deprived and physically weak. Like any other child my baby would cry inconsolably, and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t get hang of feeding let alone breastfeeding. I looked like a mess and so did my house. I felt like I was failing at everything.

Soon after that, I started feeling like I am left alone in life. Seeing everyone is busy in their lives made me feel like I lost my life and now I am stuck with the baby.

I was always agitated. Everything bothered me, people giving me advice made me feel that they think I am not capable of raising my child. If they didn’t , I felt no one cares for me.

I needed help but I didn’t want to see anyone around.

I started feeling my baby was just an overwhelming responsibility.

But everyone says having baby transforms your world. You feel unconditional love, your bond with your partner strengthens, you find a reason to live, and life fills with giggles and laughter.

And here I was crying all mostly for no reason and feeling how my life is a disaster.  I kept fighting over non issues.

This went on for a while. My husband himself was stressed due to drastic change in lifestyle, sleep deprivation and increased responsibilities. We were struggling together but it was not going anywhere.

I then had a realization no matter how much we discuss or how hard he tries to make me see the brighter side, it’s all in vain. I thought of talking to someone else.

Talking to friends or family came with a fear of being judged for being thankless.

But I needed my sanity back. I wanted to come out of the gloominess around me. At that point it just hit me that I should get professional help and I went for therapy.

The first time I was going, my husband jokingly told me “please try to listen to him instead of trying to change his opinion”.

I was told I was going through 'Baby Blues'.  It is the least severe form of Postpartum depression. It’s hard to point exactly what triggers it. But mostly its combination of drastic hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, change in lifestyle, burden of expectations, overwhelming responsibility and physical changes etc

After few therapy sessions I literally felt like a dark gloomy cloud moved away from me.

Gradually I gained peace of mind and became less pessimistic. I became more pleasant and less cranky.

My sleep was still disturbed, routine was crazy, regret of giving up career kept coming back but at least I felt equipped to handle the stress without compromising my emotional health.

If you are a mom , take charge of your emotional health.

If you are related to a mom who is going through a stressful phase, help her.

Seeking professional help for emotional health is same as going to a dentist for toothache!